Avery Actualized: Taking a Breath

            I have been a little slow to post in the last two days; today’s post has been delayed by several hours. Sometimes you need to know that you can slow things down a little. That can be very hard to do for yourself, but it is imperative to be able to take time for yourself when you need to, and not ignore the messages your body and mind send you.

            Two weeks ago I moved all the furniture around in our flat and my body is finally telling me it’s time to pay the price. It’s a small price to pay for a better layout and a more productive atmosphere. Our landlord has to do some major work on our washroom and that has me a little off kilter. My GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) wants to make things out to be bigger and more stressful than they need to be. As a Transgender Woman however I have other worries that come to mind, and I have been making an effort not to spiral. I have to come up with a plan as to how I will manage without a washroom for a week or so, being able to interact with the world means being able to do my makeup. That is not the case for every Transgender Woman, it’s simply my comfort zone. My facial hair gives me dysphoria and as such I like to take care of it daily. Putting on makeup when I see people simply helps my self esteem and to feel more comfortable in my own skin.  

            The inconvenience of living without a washroom likely means staying elsewhere at night and coming home during the day to write. I am confident (in my logical mind) that things will work out fine; it’s staying ahead of my anxiety brain that is the challenge at moments like this.

            Knowing that my anxiety is in flux I felt it important to be kind to myself, and hence that meant allowing posts to be late. Having self imposed deadlines (being my own boss) comes with its own stresses. I feel a tremendous obligation to have something to share with you daily, and to be consistent with post times.

            I am working towards a more reliable post time, but I am also always going to be the unique voice that I am. My creative process is one that works well under pressure (as long as I am the one applying it), but also requires an amount of patience. So, every now and again things get delayed. That’s fine by me, and I hope and fully expect that if you are a regular reader that you too are on this same wavelength.

            Putting yourself first is very important as far as self care goes, the only way that I can be any good to my friends, family, or partners if I am first kind to myself. That thinking is what allows me to delay posts with relatively little guilt. So today I slept in, well slept actually. I only woke up around two this afternoon. I needed the extra sleep; it’s not my usual routine these days.

      Most days I am up at six in the morning and writing by eight. Today however when I went to sit at my desk I could feel myself nodding off, and I knew that getting anything accomplished was being taken off the table. That’s okay, because I know that I am worth it, and if I am honest, so are you dear reader. I took the time I needed this morning and early afternoon so that I could have the energy to deliver this post now. So I apologize for the lateness of today’s post, know that I took care of myself and dear reader you should remember to take care of yourself. You are unique and irreplaceable.

Thank you for being here, Be Kind & Do No Harm.

            J. Avery Cain  

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All rights reserved “©” 2019 Brian Nathan Schwartz (This is my “deadname” and is included here only for legal purposes.)